How many times have you heard this affirmation? ~Forgiveness is for YOU! It is not for the offender but for the offended….
Too many times to count if, like me, you consistently look for the best self -care information available – So YES, I agree forgiveness is for the forgiver BUT I have also learned that just forgiveness alone without some foundations and filters can be detrimental to your health. In fact, research shows that forgiving too readily can erode self-respect and lead to greater relationship problems and partners that are more disagreeable shared Therapist David Bedrick (Psychology Today Blog, 2006)
Today, I would like to share the basic foundation and filters suggested to move forward in stealthier forgiveness health❤ We will delve more in depth in future blogs. My personal experiences with being an unfit forgiver almost cost me my sanity.
Forgiveness must be founded in clarity ~ on the truth about what needs to be forgiven. Ask yourself, “What about this hurts me?” Not simply I forgive because it is the right thing to do. I think this foundational step for forgiveness is the most difficult when it involves someone we love and respect. This truth may be difficult because it could be that you will have to admit that something terribly malicious has been directed at you by someone you genuinely care about and thought cared about you. Rather than deal with this, we move on to an unfiltered forgiveness. The problem with moving through the process of forgiveness without this foundation is that we disregard our own pain in exchange for providing another with an escape from ownership of the pain they have caused.
Filter your forgiveness ~ Now that you have established what needs to be forgiven – the filtering is next. Remember, we have heard it a million times-FORGIVENESS IS FOR YOU. Have you decided whether you will deal with this pain internally or will you need to confront the offender? And lastly decide will your fit forgiveness require an acknowledgement from the offender or not? Decide on answers that bring healing to you. Healthy forgiveness passes through these filters ~ you are then practicing self-love and only then are you ready to present yourself with the gift of forgiveness.